He approaches, hands raised high and covered with strawberry yogurt. My baby, all 20 gigabytes of vulnerable gadgetry, lies helpless before his wrath. Slowly his hands lower over the keyboard. He is about to touch the spacebar. I scream. Awaking in a cold sweat, I realize that it’s just a dream this time. Since I opened my home business, though, this nightmare has often come close to reality. And to think I made the big move in order to spend more time with our post-9-11 surprise, two-year-old Nate.
Computers and the internet have made home offices like mine not only possible, but commonplace. Thanks to the instant communication and access to complex information that technology has put literally at our fingertips, the horrors of commuting can be a thing of the past. And the strictures of a nine-to-midnight job for a limited salary can be, too, if you are willing to forego the security that working for a paycheck also provides. What’s more, you can really get to know your youngsters, as you struggle to keep them from destroying said technology. But I’ve discovered that by following a few simple rules, the risk of this deadly clash between childish mischief-making and expensive technology can be greatly reduced, if not entirely eliminated. And at times the computer can become a source of fun between you and your toddler. To understand why your child is so irresistibly attracted to your computer, you must understand what its presence means to him. To coin a phrase used by every bad actor ever to show up at an audition, you must learn what his motivation is. More often than not, he is either emulating you, jealous, or merely curious.
1. Give your child a way to be you. To children, especially when they’re very young, parents are the most important thing in their world. When they become teenagers, you will miss that. A two-year-old lives to imitate everything his mother and father do. When the mimicry is mere play, we call it “cute” and enjoy the show. When it involves touching our precious high-tech money-maker, though, we reach for the nitroglycerine pills. But he only wants to do what you’re doing. A quick trip to the toy store will enable him to do just that. One plastic cel phone and one interactive toy laptop is all you need, and your toddler can bang away to his heart’s content, copying your every move on the other, very real, very expensive toys. Also, if you are lucky enough to find a computer program that can hold the attention of a two-year-old, by all means get it and install it. That search has thus far eluded me.
2. Nip the “sibling” rivalry in the bud. To a very young child, your computer is a living, breathing thing, and he is jealous. He mustn’t touch it. You spend more time with it than with him. If he throws something at it or comes near it with sticky hands, he is restrained and scolded. Naturally, he views it as an intruder and a rival, sort of like a younger sibling. But sibling rivalries have been with the human race since the dawn of time, and the solution is pretty much the same with a computer. Give him a job to do to help in the care of the “sibling,” such as closing the laptop or zipping the carrying case shut, and show him ways that the computer can be fun for him. Also, set aside some time to give him exclusively. That’s probably part of the reason you chose to work at home, after all, to get closer to the wee bairn. If you have the good fortune to have broadband service, you can do both at once. I tune into an on-line folk-song radio station, and whenever blue-grass or Irish fiddle music comes on, I drop whatever I’m doing and we hold an impromptu square dance. But more important than “quality time” is the small gesture. A warm hello and a smile the moment he comes into the office go a very long way. So does responding promptly to requests, such as to take him to the potty or make him something to eat. As your child becomes reassured that he matters to you, his animosity towards the computer will fade.
3. Set limits. Children are curious, and this magical machine of yours is irresistible to an inquisitive toddler. Let him have a closer look. But make sure that his hands are clean, and stand over him to supervise, showing him what parts are permissible and what parts are off limits to him. Then enforce these limits consistently, or he will not respect them. The best limit of all, however, is a key or combination. If you can lock the room set aside for an office, you can greatly reduce the likelihood of an “unfortunate accident”. If, like me, you work off a laptop, a cabinet with a lock-able drawer will do just as well.
4. But above all else, back up regularly. As the old bumper sticker says… (stuff) happens. There is no escape from Murphy’s Law, and Murphy was an optimist. Despite all you do to give your child a safe way to imitate you, allay his jealousy and safely satisfy his curiosity, it only takes a moment’s carelessness to send your computer off to cyber-heaven. So backup your files at least once a month, if not more frequently, and keep the backups labeled, organized and in a safe, dry place. But don’t let your dependence on this modern miracle come between you and your child, who is part and parcel of the ancient, constantly renewing miracle of life.
Computers and the internet have made home offices like mine not only possible, but commonplace. Thanks to the instant communication and access to complex information that technology has put literally at our fingertips, the horrors of commuting can be a thing of the past. And the strictures of a nine-to-midnight job for a limited salary can be, too, if you are willing to forego the security that working for a paycheck also provides. What’s more, you can really get to know your youngsters, as you struggle to keep them from destroying said technology. But I’ve discovered that by following a few simple rules, the risk of this deadly clash between childish mischief-making and expensive technology can be greatly reduced, if not entirely eliminated. And at times the computer can become a source of fun between you and your toddler. To understand why your child is so irresistibly attracted to your computer, you must understand what its presence means to him. To coin a phrase used by every bad actor ever to show up at an audition, you must learn what his motivation is. More often than not, he is either emulating you, jealous, or merely curious.
1. Give your child a way to be you. To children, especially when they’re very young, parents are the most important thing in their world. When they become teenagers, you will miss that. A two-year-old lives to imitate everything his mother and father do. When the mimicry is mere play, we call it “cute” and enjoy the show. When it involves touching our precious high-tech money-maker, though, we reach for the nitroglycerine pills. But he only wants to do what you’re doing. A quick trip to the toy store will enable him to do just that. One plastic cel phone and one interactive toy laptop is all you need, and your toddler can bang away to his heart’s content, copying your every move on the other, very real, very expensive toys. Also, if you are lucky enough to find a computer program that can hold the attention of a two-year-old, by all means get it and install it. That search has thus far eluded me.
2. Nip the “sibling” rivalry in the bud. To a very young child, your computer is a living, breathing thing, and he is jealous. He mustn’t touch it. You spend more time with it than with him. If he throws something at it or comes near it with sticky hands, he is restrained and scolded. Naturally, he views it as an intruder and a rival, sort of like a younger sibling. But sibling rivalries have been with the human race since the dawn of time, and the solution is pretty much the same with a computer. Give him a job to do to help in the care of the “sibling,” such as closing the laptop or zipping the carrying case shut, and show him ways that the computer can be fun for him. Also, set aside some time to give him exclusively. That’s probably part of the reason you chose to work at home, after all, to get closer to the wee bairn. If you have the good fortune to have broadband service, you can do both at once. I tune into an on-line folk-song radio station, and whenever blue-grass or Irish fiddle music comes on, I drop whatever I’m doing and we hold an impromptu square dance. But more important than “quality time” is the small gesture. A warm hello and a smile the moment he comes into the office go a very long way. So does responding promptly to requests, such as to take him to the potty or make him something to eat. As your child becomes reassured that he matters to you, his animosity towards the computer will fade.
3. Set limits. Children are curious, and this magical machine of yours is irresistible to an inquisitive toddler. Let him have a closer look. But make sure that his hands are clean, and stand over him to supervise, showing him what parts are permissible and what parts are off limits to him. Then enforce these limits consistently, or he will not respect them. The best limit of all, however, is a key or combination. If you can lock the room set aside for an office, you can greatly reduce the likelihood of an “unfortunate accident”. If, like me, you work off a laptop, a cabinet with a lock-able drawer will do just as well.
4. But above all else, back up regularly. As the old bumper sticker says… (stuff) happens. There is no escape from Murphy’s Law, and Murphy was an optimist. Despite all you do to give your child a safe way to imitate you, allay his jealousy and safely satisfy his curiosity, it only takes a moment’s carelessness to send your computer off to cyber-heaven. So backup your files at least once a month, if not more frequently, and keep the backups labeled, organized and in a safe, dry place. But don’t let your dependence on this modern miracle come between you and your child, who is part and parcel of the ancient, constantly renewing miracle of life.
posted by Ben Maxwell | 8:21 PM
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